/ Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Its been a long time hasen't it everyone.
To everyone, this might be just a single day update. I might not be posting again for maybe a long time again. But to those who sees this new post.
I warmly welcome you back.
June 11th 2009
Projects has been really stressful for me. I cannot get my design and ideas out. Time is running out and help is nowhere to be found. Not many people know about it. Its has come to a point where im about to break down. I seriously need to clear my head and find comfort. I need to talk and share how i feel.
My leg has recently been scalded with hot water, i was too careless. And the wound has been reopening quite often. When i walk its so painful that i have to grit my teeth. Cleaning the house and washing the clothes hurts the wound. Its been really lonely, for the past few weeks. No one has been at home since they went overseas but i cannot due to my exams.
Everytime i go back home from school for the past week. I face an empty dark house, quiet. Its like going back to the period when i last failed my o levels for maths. I feel nothing but emptiness inside me. People at school inquire, "why does your face look so sad?" For the record i don't know why.
Yes, Ying kai the crazy and happy guy has disappeared at least for the period of time. Why am i sharing this? I need a portal to vent it. Sometimes people do. No one knows about it though. but to those who read this, now you know.
But of course, there is always, in life no matter what happens a big picture and the small picture. I constantly remind myself before i settle down into bed that i have to focus on the big picture. "You lose the battle, to win the war" that has been always part of my philosophy. Listening to radio through the night and falling asleep only when it strikes 4 - 5 am every day isnt exactly what im cut out to maintain. Im feeling tired and weak now as i type in class during my lab session.
yes my lab class, i dont have the mood to do anything. What has happened to me.
One thing that actually sustained me from going through a complete breakdown is the remenicing of the wonderful times i had with the most wonderful partner i ever had. the times when we slapped each other sily in the train. The screaming i did whilst on the cable car due to my fear of heights.
Everytime, when things just dosent seem right and before i sleep, i look at some messages i saved. Those get me going, those give me hope, and have been ever since.
I cannot appreciate that enough =)
No amount of honeyed words and things bought with money can be enough to express what graditude i have.
Therefore, as they say action speaks louder than anything.
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Through the days in the month of June, though we havent met up cus your very busy with your project. I understand. But as the days plow through, I can see stress and emotion building up in you, projects and everything else that you face. *Hugs* Cheer up. I may not be a good speaker over how well i express my words through msn or text and im sure you know very well what im talking about.
But i know that whenever your feeling down, i want to cheer you up as you did to me.
How general this sentence might seem.
How naive can i get? I probably dont understand even half of what your facing and im trying to cheer you up? My god, stupid ying kai. ><
How true. All i can perceive is only through your blog that your feeling down. But yes,to truly understand what your facing, i need you to talk to me and share your troubles with me as i would want to share mine with you. This is the step i have to take. I promised you in the beginning and i will uphold it and i will.
From the my wishes at the side of my blog. ("Found? Me? No?")
Of course, i understand that there might be the chance that you wont want to share. But when you willing to, ill always have my listening ear ready for you and what i have a punching bag for your problems.
If you ever read this, may your day become better. Even if you dont it doesnt matter, before i sleep every night ever since April 2008, i always think in my head and wish that the day that you wake up to will be wonderful.
Its almost 12 pm now. Lessons about to end for me. Today, i hope it will get better for me. Jiayou to the both of us.
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- A will that will never flicker. A hope that will always maintain.
/Hopped!
8:04 PM
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